Monday Manna by CBMC International

The Soothing Power of a Kind Gesture

info@cbmcint.org (CBMC) — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 00:00:00 -0500

Some time ago, my wife and I were celebrating our anniversary at a favorite restaurant. As we finished our main course, our server brought us a very nice dessert, compliments of Lily, an acquaintance we had seen at the restaurant earlier in the evening.

Because of some unpleasant experiences we had had with Lily in the past, we were extremely surprised to find ourselves beneficiaries of her unexpected generosity. As we left the restaurant, we took with us a newfound appreciation for her benevolent nature, one of Lily's characteristics that we had previously not been aware of.

In the workplace, most of us have learned that it is not uncommon to encounter tension in relationships, and even have feelings of anger over any number of issues. Sometimes the tension is a positive outcome of creative conflict, but often it is the result instead from competition, envy, jealousy, or simple animosity between people that are very different in personality, values or objectives. Although such circumstances can be seen as normal in the everyday course of events, they should not be ignored. They can become harmful and counterproductive if not addressed properly. We must learn how to confront these issues and resolve them if we are to maintain effective, long-term working relationships.

Thinking back to the situation involving Lily, I was reminded of a passage in the Bible's Old Testament. Proverbs 21:14 teaches, "A gift given in secret soothes anger, and a bribe concealed in the cloak pacifies great wrath."

It may sound simplistic, but sometimes showing kindness and generosity in the form of a gift can serve to pacify anger. If you find a relationship with someone in need of some "smoothing over," you might want to consider the power of a gift.

This does not mean we can - or should - always seek to "buy" our way out of interpersonal conflicts. Often the best course of action is simply to approach the individual you find yourself at odds with and attempt to discuss the problem in a civil, tactful manner. As another biblical passage tells us, "A man of knowledge uses words with restraint, and a man of understanding is even-tempered" (Proverbs 17:27). Another verse expands on this idea: "Without wood a fire goes out; without gossip a quarrel dies down" (Proverbs 26:20). If we can appropriately address a cause of disagreement or conflict, without adding fuel to the fire, we may be able to heal a damaged relationship.

There is a truism, however, that actions speak louder than words. Along with verbal expressions of apology or the desire for reconciliation, a kind act can confirm the genuineness of our intent. This could involve, as with Lily, a small surprise gift. Or it could be something as simple as a card or note to the individual, communicating in writing your concern and desire to move past the source of strife.

Without such a gesture, conflict might persist indefinitely. As Proverbs 18:19 reminds us, "An offended brother is more unyielding than a fortified city, and disputes are like the barred gates of a citadel." If you have any unresolved differences with someone, now would be a good time to start resolving them.

Copyright 2010, Integrity Resource Center, Inc. Adapted with permission from "Integrity Moments with Rick Boxx," a commentary on issues of integrity in the workplace from a Christian perspective. To learn more about Integrity Resource Center or to sign up for Rick's daily Integrity Moments visit http://www.integrityresource.org/.

Reflection/Discussion Questions

1. Thinking about the kindness that Lily did for Rick Boxx and his wife, in buying them a dessert following their dinner, has anyone ever done something like that for you? How did you react, or how would you react if someone were to make such a gesture for you?

2. Be honest: Can you think of any nagging, unresolved conflict that you have with someone right now - a family member, a friend, or someone you work with? If so, how did this situation come about and what, if anything, could you do in seeking to get the problem resolved?

3. Does the idea of buying a gift for someone - regardless of the size or value - as an "olive branch" (to settle a dispute) seem acceptable to you? Why or why not?

4. Do you think it is important to at least try and resolve every interpersonal conflict, or do you view unpleasantness in some relationships as an inevitable reality of life? Explain your answer.

NOTE: If you have a Bible and would like to read more about this subject, consider the following passages:

Proverbs 15:17, 16:24, 17:1,14, 18:16, 28:2; Matthew 5:21-26, 18:15-19

Secrets of Overcoming Worry

info@cbmcint.org (CBMC) — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 00:00:00 -0500

Do you tend to expect the worst? Do you panic when you get a letter with the government tax service address imprinted on the envelope, or when you hear rumors about possible layoffs at work? Do you find yourself worrying even when there is nothing to worry about - convinced something bad is about to happen that you will need to worry about?

The word worry comes from an old English word meaning, "to choke or strangle." Of course, that's exactly what worry does to your productivity and happiness. Worry is nothing but a self-defeating waste of time.

In his famous Sermon on the Mount in the Bible's New Testament, as recounted in Matthew 6:25-34, Jesus presented four reasons for not worrying and also provided two secrets of overcoming it:

WORRY IS UNREASONABALE. To worry about something you CANNOT change is useless. To worry about something you CAN change is stupid! And every time you review a worry in your mind it gets bigger and more burdensome. Worry amplifies problems out of proportion. "Don't worry about the clothes you need. Life is more than what you wear" (Matthew 6:25).

WORRY IS UNNATURAL. You were not born a worrier. It is a learned response to life. In fact, you have to practice to become good at it. Fortunately, worry can be unlearned. The only species in God's creation that worries is human beings. We do not believe God will take care of us. "Birds don't worry but God takes care of them. Don't you realize you're more valuable to God than mere birds?" (Matthew 6:26).

WORRY IS UNHELPFUL. It does not work. It cannot change the past. It cannot control the future. It only makes you miserable today. Worrying about a problem never solves the problem. "Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?" (Matthew 6:27).

WORRY IS UNNECESSARY. God has promised to take care of you if you will trust him with the details of your life. As a child, if you asked your father for lunch money, you never worried about where it would come from. That was his problem. Let God be God in your life! "God will take care of you, just have faith" (Matthew 6:32).

HOW CAN WE FREE OURSELVES FROM THE WORRY HABIT?

First, trust God with every area of your life. Part of our problem in worrying is the realization that there are so many factors in life that we cannot control. Worrying might seem like we are doing something, but in fact it is wasted mental and emotional energy. Trusting God, who is in control, frees us of this burden. "Your heavenly Father already knows perfectly well what you need and he will provide it if you give him first place in your life and live as he wants you to" (Matthew 6:32-33).

Second, live just one day at a time. So often we spend time agonizing over what could happen tomorrow or next week, while the challenges of today are still looming over us. Focus on the what, not the what if. "Do not worry about tomorrow. Each day has enough trouble of its own" (Matthew 6:34).

Adapted from a column by Dr. Rick Warren, the author of numerous books, including the highly acclaimed, The Purpose-Drive Life, which has been translated into many languages and sold throughout the world. It affirms the importance of having a carefully considered, clearly expressed purpose to guide everyday life. It has been named one of the 100 Christian books that changed the 20^th Century. He also has written The Purpose of Christmas.

Reflection/Discussion Questions

1. Would you describe yourself as a worrier, someone who spends an inordinate amount of time worrying about present - and possible future - concerns? Why or why not?

2. When was the last time that worrying helped to resolve a problem you were facing? When a problem arises, it makes sense to take whatever steps are possible to address it - but is worrying part of those "possible steps"? Explain your answer.

3. Do you think that Dr. Warren's counsel to stop worrying is realistic, or even practical?

4. Which of the points about worry that he makes seem most helpful for you? What is your reaction to the statements that Jesus made about worrying?

NOTE: If you have a Bible, consider these other passages that relate to this topic:

Psalm 46:1-3, 118:5-7; Isaiah 36:3, 41:10; Philippians 4:6-7; 1 Peter 5:7; 2 Timothy 1:7; 1 John 4:18

Turning A Poor Beginning Into A Better Ending

info@cbmcint.org (CBMC) — Mon, 22 Feb 2010 00:00:00 -0500

We are now nearly two months into another year, and if you are like many people, you already have something that you wish you could do differently. Or perhaps you are plagued, even haunted, by a regrettable decision from your past. If only you had the chance to do it over. Golfers know this as a "mulligan" - being permitted to replay a particularly bad shot. Unfortunately, real life rarely offers us the opportunity for mulligans. We must live with poor actions and decisions, and often have to accept the consequences.

Recently someone sent me a quotation that addresses this type of dilemma: "Nobody can start a new beginning, but you can start today and make a new ending."

That seems like solid reasoning to me. Whether it is a round of golf, opening a new business, or establishing a new relationship, you only have one opportunity to start. And sometimes we fail to start as well or as strong as we would like. But like a world-class sprinter, if we stumble out of the blocks we can't go back and restart the race. We just continue onward, hoping to do better as we advance.

What do you have in your life that you wish you could do differently, or even do over? You may have made a career choice that, in retrospect, was unwise. Someone may have offered you an opportunity that is no longer available. You may have made some investments that, it turned out, were unsound. You may have damaged an important relationship, perhaps beyond repair. Unfortunately, no matter how badly you wish it were otherwise, what is done is done - and cannot be undone. So where do you go from here?

As the statement above declares, our beginning has been cast in concrete, but we can start today and work toward a new, more promising ending. The Bible has much to say about this:

Leave past failures behind, and recommit to achieving your goals. Dwelling on the unchangeable past is usually counterproductive. After reevaluating where you want to go, how you intend to get there, and how you will know when you have arrived, maintain concentration on your destination. "...Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 3:13-14).

Continually looking behind you will cause the path ahead of you to be crooked and erratic. A farmer driving a tractor to till his field maintains his focus forward, knowing that to look backward could well result in failing to keep straight the lines he is cultivating. "Be diligent to present yourself approved to God, a worker who does not need to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth" (2 Timothy 2:15, NKJV).

Remnants of the past are often incompatible with the present or the future. "Let the past remain in the past," it is sometimes said. Often a fresh start, a total departure from what has gone on previously, is the best course of action in our quest to forge a desirable future. "...'No one tears a patch from a new garment and sews it on an old one. If he does, he will have torn the new garment, and the patch from the new will not match the old.'" (Luke 5:36).

Robert J. Tamasy is vice president of communications for Leaders Legacy, Inc., a non-profit corporation based in Atlanta, Georgia, U.S.A. A veteran of more than 38 years in professional journalism, he is the author of Business At Its Best: Timeless Wisdom from Proverbs for Today's Workplace (River City Press) and has coauthored with David A. Stoddard, The Heart of Mentoring: 10 Proven Principles for Developing People to Their Fullest Potential (NavPress). For more information, see http://www.leaderslegacy.com/ or go to his online blog, http://www.bobtamasy.blogspot.com/.

Reflection/Discussion Questions

1. What in your life would you like to do differently, or do over, if you could?

2. Has dwelling on misgivings from your past ever hindered you in moving toward the future in a healthy, productive manner? Explain your answer.

3. When do you think is it beneficial and useful to look to the past? Is attempting to forget the past always a wise course of action? Why or why not?

4. If you were to follow the advice of the quotation and "start today and make a new ending," what might be the first steps that you could take?

NOTE: If you have a Bible and would like to review some other passages that relate to this topic, consider the following verses:

Psalm 40:1-3; Ezekiel 36:26; Luke 5:37-39; 2 Corinthians 5:17; Hebrews 10:32-39; Revelation 21:3-4

Playing It By The Fourth Quarter

info@cbmcint.org (CBMC) — Mon, 15 Feb 2010 00:00:00 -0500

While watching a sporting event on television over a recent holiday weekend, one thing became obvious to me: You have to play the entire game, whether that means four quarters, as in American football and NBA basketball; two halves, as in college basketball and soccer; three periods, as in ice hockey; nine innings (or more), as in professional baseball; or 18 holes, as in golf. It is good to build a commanding lead in the earlier portions of the game, but you still have to play the whole game.

More often than not, the closing portions of an athletic competition are crucial. In the case of a game I observed recently between two bitter rivals, the outcome came down to a decisive score with only two seconds remaining on the clock. As one team snatched victory from near-certain defeat, it became very evident that even the last two seconds of a contest can be extremely important.

I have now entered my 60s. Any way you look at it, you could very accurately say that I am in the fourth quarter of my life - certainly the fourth quarter of my productive years. Anything beyond 80 years would probably qualify as "overtime." At 61, I am definitely starting my fourth quarter. However, simply running out the clock or taking a knee, as sometimes happens in American football, does not seem practical or sportsmanlike at this stage of my life, even if I had what I would consider a good "lead" going.

Many people my age already are eyeing the clock, reasoning they can coast to the finish. That is, if they haven't already given up or headed for the showers. The curious thing is that I feel as good as ever. I am not tired, I feel more creative, and know a lot more than I once did. It may be appropriate to revise my personal "game plan," make better choices, or play as if the outcome of the game is still on the line, but should I just run out the clock? I don't think so.

In the New Testament of the Bible, the apostle Paul uses the analogy of life being similar to running a race. He emphasizes the importance of running all the way to the end. In 1 Corinthians 9:24, he writes, ^"Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize."

We seem to have gotten the idea that, like driving a car, at some point we can take our lives out of gear, coast to the finish line in neutral, and still win the race. This is a relative new idea dating back only to the 19^th and 20^th centuries.

Germany was the first country to introduce the idea of retirement in 1880. Now, many (if not most) people in industrialized nations consider retirement a basic right. Whether a person continues working in their career or not after a certain age should be a personal decision. We should, however, endeavor to serve the Lord - and to serve others - in some productive capacity as long as we are able.

In Philippians 3:14, Paul says, "I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." Paul understood at that point in his life the race was not over, so he was determined to press on until the "game" - his life on earth - was finished.

As for me, I intend to play hard until the final gun, whistle, buzzer, Gabriel's trumpet, or whatever it is that signals the end. After all, we owe that to the coach, our team, and ourselves. In other terms, our family, friends, employers, coworkers, and others that rely on us. That is why we were put here: to play the game until the end.

Jim Mathis is the owner of a photography studio in Overland Park, Kansas, specializing in executive, commercial and theatrical portraits, and recently has opened a school of photography. He formerly was a coffee shop manager and executive director of CBMC in Kansas City, Kansas and Kansas City, Missouri.

In the January 11 Monday Manna, the author of The Paradox of Success was identified incorrectly. The author of that book is John O'Neil.

Reflection/Discussion Questions

1. If you are interested in sports, can you think of a recent contest when one team seemed in control early on, only to lose when the opponent made a late surge? How important was the latter portion of the contest to the final outcome?

2. Applying the "fourth quarter" or "second half" analogy to your workplace setting, think of a time when everything seemed to start very well but finished poorly? Or a time when you or your company may have gotten off to a poor start, but were able to make some significant changes to salvage the situation. What made the difference?

3. Looking at your own life, are you - like Jim Mathis - in the "fourth quarter," or even second half of your life? Whether you are well into your career, or just getting started, what steps are you making to ensure that you finish well, that you stay "in the game" until the very end?

4. How should a person's spiritual beliefs - faith in God - make a difference in progressing through life? Do you agree with the contention that we have an obligation to work and play hard until we reach the end of our productive life? Or should we be entitled to retiring to a leisurely lifestyle, enjoying the fruits of many years of labor? Explain your answer.

If you would like to look at or discuss other portions of the Bible that relate to this topic, consider the following brief sampling of passages:

Numbers 8:23-26; Luke 14:28-33, 19:11-26; John 17:4, 19:30; 2 Timothy 4:7